Life Is A Cabaret Old Chum

OMG! I'm going to see Liza freakn Minelli tonight! That's Liza with a Z baby!

I shall be frocked and cocktailed up and hopefully there'll be amusing anecdotes a-plenty!

I will report back...

retail hell

i had the misfortune to need help from the sales assistants of Birmingham yesterday, i say misfortune, however i had no idea it would be so difficult to have my problem solved...

let me take you back to the beginning of my sorry tale. a couple of weeks ago i was in New York (i'm sure i mentioned it?!) and i bought a tee shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch as a US/ OC style momento (they've arrived in the UK in London but not in Brum as yet) only to discover the guy hadn't taken off my tag - brilliant service! so since i didn't get a chance to take it to a store in NY i figured i'd just take it to a kindly Blighty store and everything would be fine...

aware i would look like a potential shoplifter trying to make good a previous job i took along my receipt and went into the first store i got to which happened to be MUJI. 3 let's say very 'metrosexual' guys with silly hair looked at me like a freak for rudely interrupting their tales of the night before and i timidly asked if they could help me, this tee shirt with a tag attached needed freeing etc etc when i was asked a question that would never had occurred to me:
"did you buy it at MUJI in America?"
"no"
"well we can't help you"
but there was no apology, or explanation or sympathy to my plight, his tone and look where all of "how dare you ask us for help - get out of our shop" i should have stayed and browsed to make him uncomfortable but i didn't, i simply scuttled off cheeks aglow for the social embarrassment of being turned down when asking for help...

How odd i thought.. I'd pop into H&M and they'll help me.

But the same thing happened! The girl said "did you buy it in H&M?" and physically withdrew in horror at the prospect of touching my other brand tee! what on earth was going on?! why didn't these people understand that these were extraneous circumstances and their little staff handbook saying don't take tags off non-store goods surely didn't apply here? i'd have gotten annoyed if i thought they had the wits to understand why...

Next stop Urban Outfitters... and finally a human being served me, felt sympathy for me and tried to help, only to discover my tag was incompatible with their de-tagger. ruined! They suggested i write to A&F and complain of my plight but i wasn't going to give up that easily...

Adidas staff were unable to help but examined the tag and persuaded me to back track to JJB sports since theyknew they used the same tags - what a drama this was turning out to be...

Setting off alarms in almost every shop i went into, when i got to JJB all worn out from traipsing and explaining myself, the security guard explained i must have a tag on my person, yes i said, hopefully not for much longer! the nice lady at JJB helped me out and i went on my way but whodathunkit would be so much hassle getting a little retail help?!

and with all that money i spend in those shops too... ruddy cheek!

der d-de-der, der d-der...

(tell me you recognised the tune from the blog title alone?! haha)

that's what i heard as i queued to by my tickets for the new Indiana Jones movie yesterday!

a bunch of young fellas were singing the famous theme tune as they waited, clearly as excited as me about the forthcoming cinematic event!

and i'm happy to report all is well with the Jones brand... some callbacks, some quips about his age, some cheesy Spielberg moments, great baddies and ridiculous chase sequences - just about what you'd expect from an Indiana Jones movie! i can't understand why the papers are giving it bad reviews - what did they expect? it was never going to be Hamlet?! (although there is a skull involved...hehe)

i even wore my new hat from NYC which just slightly resembles the famous Jones one for the occasion, and let me tell you, there were a few jealous looks (at least thats what i hoped they were! haha)

now i just have to get me a whip...

big apple adventurers

Lenny's Pizza? Forget about it... hehe

This was my NYC highlight for sure, seeing where JT strut his stuff down in Brooklyn for the disco sensation Saturday Night Fever. I had the pleasure of eating at this famous pizza joint while on my magical mystery tour of New York with my cyberpal* GS who writes a great blog about his yellow cab adventures...

Only my second trip to the Big Apple, after a few days of rushing around doing stuff, seeing things and meeting interesting people, i once again felt dismayed on the day of departure at having not squeezed more in but when you're in town for just 3 nights you just have to resign yourself to doing the bits you missed next time, and since its such a great city to visit there'll always be a next time!

*although now we've actually met he is surely now my actual pal?! oh the wonders of the interweb!

homemade scones with vintage cider

Picture it: it's Saturday night, I've rustled up some homemade scones for the first time ever... they smell edible, they look edible... add some clotted cream and jam and boy do they taste edible! haha washed down with some vintage 7.4% appley goodness from my trip to Newquay last weekend and life on the balcony at Jodester Towers was all well! How rock n roll am i?!

Then yesterday I made an apple and blueberry crumble... listen, have clotted cream: will bake! can't let it go to waste can i? would be such a shame...

portrait of a nation

oh dear. the popular tourist guide series Rough Guide have published this damning summary of us Brits.

well how very dare they! problem is i do like drinking and watching reality TV, oops! haha and while i hope i'm not obese i can't resist them biscuits so maybe that's my fate!

it's a strange strange world we live in

imagine my surprise when i chanced upon this on the world wide web!

words cannot really describe how the last 7 minutes of my life have panned out, who knew safe sex could be so Bollywood!

fabalas!

and very informative...

something you don't see very often

it's been sunny in England now for 4 days running... before the weekend there'll be a hosepipe ban! haha

the English alleged pre-occupation with the weather is much debated but I don't buy it as anything other than a healthy interest in knowing how to dress on any given day! Billy Connelly says 'there's no such thing as bad weather, just inappropriate clothing' and he should know he's from Scotland! haha

when my mum lived in Italy i used to explain to the locals that our weather was simply unpredictable, and that a brolly and sunglasses are essentials to have on you most days... unless you live in Manchester, then just a brolly will do! hehe

i think this explains our love of pubs too, it rains such a lot that we need some place to cower and chat - not going home til the rain has a break - hence it being the topic of conversation! it's inextricably entwined in our everyday existence!

at least we leave the house when it rains... in Italy they stay home and cancel plans to avoid stepping out and getting their perfectness mussed! they're such a good looking nation, it must be hard for them ; )

i must say though my shins seem to be enjoying the fresh air this week, they've not seen daylight since about last August! haha

oh i do like to be beside the seaside

ooh just look at that! i have just spent the weekend there! how ruddy lovely too...

I'd not been to the South West coast before and so me and my mate R put the new Madge CD in the car and headed down the M5 saturday morning...

A bag of jelly babies and a can of Redbull later and we arrived at curious signs for places like RedRuth, Cocks and Tongue End! Nearing our destination we saw a sign for Tunnels Through Time (which i decided needed an echo whenever read aloud: Tunnels Through Time time time)
but ironically, we didn't have time to investigate them, hehe

Our hotel was right on the seafront, and minutes after checking in we skipped to the beach (i jest not, we were quite excited - and remember the jelly babies!) and drank in the sights and sounds of the gorgeous setting of Fistral Beach...

We tried some local cider, met a fudgelier, and strangely a lot of Northerners and tried to avoid bumping into the drunken stags and hens falling about the small town's streets...

I even ventured a paddle and quickly discovered why the surfers were all decked out in winter gear! it was like ice, but i needed waking up anyways cos it was lovely and sunny and i was feeling a bit sleepy after the wee beers we'd be drinking!

with a heavy heart we jumped back in the car Monday morning, but we will definitely go back next year - it's soooo lovely!

Big up Newquay!