Sunday, November 14, 2010

Are you ready for your close up?

In the Guardian newspaper every weekend they ask a celebrity or a person of public interest to answer 20 questions...

I love a good Q&A me, and for some time I've wanted to make an audio family & friends edition... because often we're all so busy with the business that is everyday life you don't get a chance to say to your nearest and dearest, 'hey, what do you think the key to happiness is?' right?!

To my shame I have been all talk and no recording so this idea is so far just that, an idea! lol I got excuses but I won't bore you with them ;)

Having said all that, now that I'm publicly shaming myself into getting on with it! This blog is my own kick up the bum, I did sent the Q&A to a few friends this week as a warning shot for what might be to come in the New Year when i get my sh*t together! haha

In the meantime I have decided to blog my own answers to the Q&A, because surely the rule is never ask someone something you haven't asked yourself!

so here goes...

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

listening to good music in good company (on a good hair day!)

What is your greatest fear?

tragically, failure. Although, you'll be pleased to hear i am making real efforts to face this fear head on for a showdown! hehe

With which historical figure do you most identify?

hmm... I'll have to think about this one*

Which living person do you most admire and why?

my mum, she has such beauty and balls, or gumption if you like... she just goes and gets what she wants! amazing... can't argue with that for a role model!

What vehicles do you own?

an 8yr old Fiat Punto with a roof rack - not very glamorous but it gets me there and back... one day I'll have something better looking parked outside, one day...

What has been your most embarrassing moment?

there are so many to choose from... haha

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

starting something but not finishing it... such a slacker!

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

people who can't say no, then let you down. just say you can't do the thing, don't make it worse by saying yes then not doing it! too disappointing!

What objects do you always carry with you?

my phone is somewhat of an extra limb these days...

Where would you like to live?

I think London for work, but Dorset/ Cornwall for seaside living...

What is your greatest extravagance?

Probably music, can't resist new CDs; guitar lessons are a must this year; love going to gigs...

What is your greatest regret?

not learning how to play the guitar from birth! seriously, how good a player would i be by now?!

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

likes the song goes "I wish I was a little bit taller" hehe, longer legs please!

What is your favourite smell?

i love that smells remind me of people and places, but i suppose my favourite smell would probably be my mum's perfume because it reminds me of her (JPG btw)

What is your favourite word?

cocktails? the question mark is rather essential too ;)

What is your favourite book?

the book you don't want to end, the book you buy for all of your friends because you loved it so much...

What is your favourite fantasy?

being a great guitarist, in a band, on the road... what a way to make a living ;)

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Radio. It certainly seems to have taken up most of my time, energy and commitment for the last 15 years!

Do you believe in capital punishment?

I don't think evolution of our species is killing each other, we're capable of such great things thru co-operation and most crime is preventable...

How did you vote in the last election?

I agreed with Nick. And look where that got me! LibCons... ruined...

Have you ever said ‘I love you’ and not meant it?


For what cause would you die?

worldwide equality for women

How often do you have sex?

when i can

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

i go thru phases but right now its easily OMG! haha, what can i say in my defence? I'm easily excited?!

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

financial independence would allow me to pursue my dreams outside of chasing the rent

How do you relax?

play guitar, listen to music, put the world to rights with friends and family, cocktails...

What keeps you awake at night?

the streetlight outside of my bedroom.. grrr!

Do you believe in life after death?

i think one you're gone physically you're gone but your memory lives on with ideas you left behind

How would you like to be remembered?

as a great human being

How would you like to die?

i sometimes think it would be great to get to a stage in life, you've achieved everything you desire, you have a fab party with your nearest and dearest and then you say goodbye on your terms, but i don't think we're ever ready to say goodbye... it's not in human nature, so my answer is... in many many years from now!

What would your motto be?

trying to be good

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

life is too short... and it's a small world... make the most of both of these and you'll be all right I reckon!

phew! that was hard work haha... oh and i reserve the right to change my mind about any of these answers! haha these are strictly answers circa winter 2010 ;)

* i'm thrown by this question... maybe i haven't done enough reading! eek!

Saturday, November 06, 2010

hoarders anonymous

i been going thru some stuff in storage recently... it was fun! i found long lost clothes/ books/ photos/ trinkets... then mum says to me, hey missy, long term what are you gonna do with all this stuff? and i find i'm lost for an answer... i am clearly one of life's hoarders!

in front of me is a pile of unread newspapers and magazines.. let me make this clear, i WANT to read them all.. i just find the time to do so alludes me! but is that a reason to throw away a potentially enjoyable read? i think not! and yet piles of unread papers remind me of my step-dad's piles of newspapers that drove my mum mad! haha did i inherit this bad habit from him? or do we just want to absorb as much information as possible in life?

it's not made any easier - my hoarding habit that is - by the fact that i move house so often! i mean, it's abnormal! haha i have friends who long ago wrote my 'new address' in pencil in their address books because they'd already filled a page with crossed out addresses for me.. but i have blogged about my many moves before... how it relates here is, every time i move i'm confronted with all my 'stuff' haha.. at least if i stayed put i might just put it in the loft and forget about it! but why does it bring me any kind of comfort to have all this stuff... obv there is a lot of sentimental value and i'm a nostalgic bird for sure... but i think i seriously need to car boot most of it! i guess i think it will come in handy sometime... even tho as the years go by it fails to come in handy! haha

perhaps i should stick it all in a storage unit for a year and if i don't miss any of it, just get rid... how liberating/ horrifying that would be!

gone daddy gone

i have an absent father.

i have a very present step-dad who i love muchly, and even tho he and my glamorous mother parted ways in the 80s, he is the man i call dad... the man i will spend xmas day with and the man who potters in my garden when he visits... he is a lovely lovely man.

the problem i have is because my dad.01 has been absent for much of my life, i have always felt a lack of something... i worry sometimes that i have textbook daddy issues! haha i mean did i make bad choices in men because of this guy? i sure seemed to pick some unsuitable types when i was a young girl... but maybe all girls do this? did everyone have as steep a learning curve? or did i get a tough ride seeking unavailable men? i do believe that every action in life has a reaction, the ripple effect of this man sharp-exiting my life is surely considerable? i read in a magazine when just a teen (uh-oh!) that i was a rejection-junkie; a passive-aggressive commitment-phobe because of the rejection i experienced as a child... (yikes! that mag needed an age restriction...)

and yet, *grown up face* i do not care to know someone who doesn't care to know me... there's only so much rejection a girl can take!

it's an emotional merry-go-round that's for sure.

i think it's pretty shameful behaviour to leave a little girl (and a baby brother) to carry on in this big bad world without her daddy... but maybe he thought i'd be better off without him, low self-esteem sure has a lot to answer for in my life! and i had a very lovely granddad who stepped in to be the father figure before my mum got me dad.02 so don't feel too sorry for me folks, that's not the point of this scribbling at all!

what makes it all worse is the fact that somehow thru some sherlock holmes work by my little bro i was reunited with this man in the 90s... I was 22 i think... we exchanged numbers... we didn't keep in touch! i know that i was angry with him, hence my lack of effort... but i'm only human! i expected too much from this first meeting... i wanted him to explain why he hadn't been in my life for all that time... he didn't give me an answer, what answer could he give me? it's a painful memory... a missed opportunity... and now he is gone again :(

people in my life including my younger bro (the only other person who can relate to my situ direct) suggest it's his loss, why lose sleep over it, and i can buy that theory... i just don't feel it! it feels like unfinished business... i don't want to not know my dad! and yet i have a perfectly functioning step-dad thing going on... it's not about replacing him... it's about knowing the man who is responsible for my being here... i suppose i can choose to forget about him... perhaps its indicative of something else going on in my life that i feel this lack...

maybe i just think too much. actually i know that this to be the case! give myself headaches all the time. i should give myself a break! ;)

i worry that this is classic over-share... but i would welcome your thoughts if you have any on the subject...